A lag of three days, and still no where to start! lol! thats the saga of my addiction! I realize that I am in a habit of continuous munching.. I need something..anytime, all the time in my waking hours..and my activities dont go beyond sitting on a chair in a lecture room to relaxing on my bed..

My stamina to walk has gone down the hill..I mean there is 2 to 3 min walk from the parking lot of my school to the bus that I have to take to go to toronto..and either I take an uphill walk from the outside or climb the stairs..both ways there maybe a minute of uphill walk or 20/30 stairs..and by the time I am up.. I am gasping for air..I mean WTF! What have I done to myself..Is there a way back..how long or how far it would be..

Sometimes I marvel at myself for not giving up in few critical facets of my life..but here I gave into my eating addiction long time back.. I grew up in a family where there was no concept of a small serving size of food..everything was eaten in abundance..Although I was told not to eat since I remember..

When my friends would bring money to buy stuff from the school canteen, I would sit at the side and eat the cold soggy omlate that had a stench by the time I used to get my break..I would hate my lunch..At that time, it  was not comprehendable as to why I cant eat what others can have..

I resorted to a new means to relieve my insecurities..I started taking out money from my parents wallets..I still remember the name of the chocholate I would buy..Super snap I believe..lol..until one day i was caught..My mother would always keep a check on my daily diet..and I would never understand why is that so important..I had grown up seeing them eating without inhibtions:P and I pretty much wanted to continue the same..

I dont remember the last time I felt beautiful..In my early teens I was this gal who was unaware of good looks or personality..I dont know if it didnt matter or I was not allowed to maintain myself in a certain way..but I guess I had compromised with my surroundings..then had this big religious dive..where I completely forsake everything..hehe..not to imply that my religion advocates that..but it was just my own interpretation and representation..! My mom happens to be a graceful lady who can maintain herself pretty well..and that impact would show on me when I would attend my family gatherings but my freinds and classfellows always saw the other side of me..and I was happy about it..my weight was on the rise..by the time I did my A levels, I was about 84 kgs..My mom told me that the only way she would let me wear a sari is if I lose weight..I lost 14 pounds in 16 days..worked out like crazy..and starved myself to the point where I was having a boiled egg in a day..but in few weeks I was back to my diet..though as I maintained working for next 4/5 months my weight stayed between 70 to 75kilos..

and Then I moved to canada..and from september 2005 to January 2010, I have gained atleast more than 30 kgs! Eff! thats huge!

anyways, enough of the blabbering..let me present my very small but first milestone..

1-No junk food from outside! I havent had Mcdonalds junk burgers in three days despite the fact that I was working there. I stuck to the salads which were quite delicious too!;) 

2-I have to stop eating high calorie foods at home, and this is the biggest obsatacles besides having to move my ass to burn my calories:P

I saw a video of gal three nights back, and somehow she touched me very profoundly..Here is what she said..ahhhh I love her now!